life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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