Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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