If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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