I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
