we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
