Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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