So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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