Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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