I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
