That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
