Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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