This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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