dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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