plz talk dirty to me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
