Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
