I'm going to jail i love you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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