new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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