I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
