can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
