My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
