2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
