She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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