On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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