I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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