I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
