all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
