Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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