when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
