why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
