its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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