the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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