Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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