I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
