True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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