is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize