Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
