dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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