so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
