update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
