"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
