will power is for people who don't want to get laid
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
