I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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