Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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