You're so nebulous sometimes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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