never play flip cup with pint glasses
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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