Jerry, you need to find god
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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