finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
