New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
