Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
