She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
