Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
