is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
