i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
