the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize