They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
