i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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