Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
