don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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