I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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