Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
