i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
