Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
