he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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